GRIEF

There are different forms of loss that people experience. The most common is death but for most people other losses such as divorce or estrangements from family or loved ones is just as difficult. The pain may become agonizing leaving the person feeling hopeless, debilitated and forever changed. Regardless of the source of loss, grieving is an important process that with time heals, with the pain subsidizing. For many people the first few weeks and months after a loss is the most painful. For others the loss is overwhelming for a much longer period of time and there may seem to be no relief in sight. The sense of desolation and emptiness can be crippling and impede functioning for a much longer time than is healthy.

There are normal phases of loss that a grieving person can be expected to go through. These stages include: isolation and denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. Different people grieve in different ways, depending on their personalities as well as their culture and background. Some people are instrumental grievers while others are intuitive. Both are healthy forms of expressing grief. Problems arise when a bereaved person becomes stuck or delayed at one or more of the normal stages of grief. When this occurs, relationships with others may be affected as well as a decrease activities and normal functioning.

Friends and loved ones, meaning well, may compound the problem by misunderstanding how the person is grieving or not knowing how to help, say and do things that increase the problem. The suffering person at times will withdraw further, increasing their sense of isolation. Many times, a sense of anger towards the loved one who has died creates deep levels guilt that may seem impossible to overcome alone. Loss can create feelings that life will never be normal again, that happiness is gone and that experiencing pleasure of having fun is a betrayal to the one lost. Some may feel resentful that others seem to return to normal quite easily, not honoring their pain and loss.

When any of these problems occur, therapeutic intervention may be needed and grief counseling advisable. An expert and compassionate therapist knows how to assess the grieving person, understanding what their style of grieving is, what they need and what techniques to implement. Such a therapist will have the skill to address the problems and support the client through the healing process to a place of acceptance, helping them to reconnect with others and their world.

If you or a loved one appears to be suffering an emotional disconnect from others, seems withdrawn and excessively sad for a longer period than seems usual after a loss of any kind, therapeutic intervention may be needed. Those who have sought such help report intense feelings of relief and a renewal of hope.